Daily Mom Hug | Consider This

Depression prefers we sit down and shut up

Aug 12, 2024

Thank you for your patience. Now onto our normally scheduled programming.

Good morning, fam. Today I want to talk about something I’ve been reading a lot on Threads: people with depression who don’t want to burden other people online.

As someone with depression (among other things), I get it. But here are some things I want you to consider.

You’re Showing Empathy

By talking about what you're going through with people who are also struggling is empathy. You aren't burdening them, bc you aren't demanding that they take action to 'fix' your issues. You are sharing so they know they aren't alone.

And there’s nothing wrong with that. Hell, that’s why this newsletter even exists!

Your Needs Were Ignored

When you were growing up, did you have your feelings/needs trivialized or ignored? Were you told, "What are you complaining/depressed about? Other people have it worse! Be grateful!"

That can hardwire stifling your issues, which is only compounded the more you hear it. Worse, if you hear it from people who were supposed to make your life better. Add in that most of us are people pleasers, it’s not a big leap to caring for your needs last, if even at all.

You Weren’t Shown How

Were you modeled healthy coping skills? Oftentimes we aren’t, especially if you’re older like me, growing up in a family that not only ignored how you felt but also didn’t openly talk about feelings at all.

I hate when people who don't understand say to ‘just cheer up!’ If it was that simple, none of us would be depressed. Unfortunately, managing mental illness is a skill we have to learn. If we aren't taught as children, then we have a harder time learning as adults, because even less people are willing to give you leeway to figure it out.

Depression Doesn’t Care if You’re Happy

Did you know that you can have a good life and still be depressed? This is 100% true, I promise. It’s not about being ungrateful for the good things in your life either.

Your brain is literally wired differently than neurotypical people. Plus you have a built-in brain gremlin feature that not only replays all the lies people told you throughout childhood and into adulthood, but it whispers some really intrusive thoughts. This includes self-deprecation!

This is why I hate it when a celebrity takes their own life and people say, “If I had their fame and money, I would be so happy!” No, asshats, you’d have their depression, too.

Better Out than In

When you don't share somewhere, those dark feelings will fester. And if you do it for long enough, it can cause actual physical harm to your body. Sharing heals, especially when you're in a community of like-minded friends.

Remember those brain gremlins I talked about? You need outside voices sometimes to fight them off. People you know and trust, who understand what you’re going through, who can help you as your practice telling those assholes to STFU.

You’re Not Responsible for Others’ Happiness

You cannot make everyone happy. It's not possible, not even when you sacrifice yourself at their expense. Which you shouldn’t do.

And that’s fine. It’s not your job, especially when other people have no clue what actually makes them happy. Boundaries will show you who actually cares about you and your well-being, and those who were using and manipulating you without any real regard.

The only person you're responsible for is you. Everyone else? Well, they have a choice of actions when they see one of your posts. They can resonate with it. They can scroll past them. Or they can view them through their personal trauma. None of that is up to you to cultivate around!

Bottom Line

Your account is your account. Post what you want, what you need. Cleave out the haters without comment. Let your community be there for you, like you'd be there for us.

You can do this. It just takes practice. And you never have to do it alone.

*mom hug*

Love,
Your Mom